My son, Beau turned 11 yesterday. I have a long standing relationship with the number 11, it is often thought of as a type of wake up call. It is a sign that your subconscious is currently being unlocked (have a look at this page http://bit.ly/2nHAVf2), even arranging our wedding to Simon, Beau’s dad on November 11th 2011. We never made it and we are separated but with a strong relationship built upon a long friendship and understanding of each other.
Beau had a great birthday. He took a load of mates to the swimming pool on the giant inflatable. I got in there with him and it reminded me that water is such a great medium to connect and have fun with your children. Then off he went…for a sleepover at his friend’s house, leaving me with a temporarily empty house and despite a regular stream of visitors and wonderful friends throughout the day and evening I felt lonely.
How is it that I crave and need this space from him in order to ‘get things done’ and when all I seem to do is pester him to do his homework, pick up his socks, don’t leave his pants inside his trousers when he puts them in the washing basket, don’t shout at me like that, come off that computer, get ready for bed, the list is familiarly long for many parents. Yet when he left for his overnighter on his birthday I felt sad because I thought it would be a family day. Those family days look a lot different to a single parent.
So I opened a bottle of Cava and watched 3 films in a row. Dumb and Dumber, The Danish Girl and The Talented Mr Ripley (the last one being an easy option because I’d drunk the bottle of Cava and couldn’t be arsed to choose another one).
My point is, that as soon as we give birth to our children we have to practice letting go. All the time. It starts with birth…let go so you can birth. It continues …to let go of worry, anxiety, expectations, hope and even joy, because all these are emotions that are transient and will come and go. The biggest one for me was when Beau started riding his bike. He couldn’t stop and off he went into the distance, leaving me standing, watching and trying not to cry. Then of course letting go of the ‘old you’, of careers, body image and pert breasts.
When I teach my classes I see you, my Baby Nomad Mums, moving through these phases and I’m forever fascinated and admiring at the processes that we go through as mothers. Thanks for reading and letting me get this one off my chest. Although this is just the tip of the parental iceberg.